and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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