whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
