I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
