are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
