Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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