I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
