return my video game
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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