omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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