I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
