thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
