Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
