I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
