New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
