Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
