About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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