This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
