I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
false alarm. still invincible.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
