you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize