He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
