i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
