Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
