He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
