Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
