How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
