Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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