TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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