Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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