3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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