I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
