Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
3 2 1 whiskey
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
