how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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