Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
