Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
