you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
