First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
