Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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