I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My feet surprised me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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