i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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