drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
