Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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