Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
