You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i've created a new STD.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
