You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
