I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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