At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
