when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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