you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
