well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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