I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize