That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
