We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
