The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
