watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
