Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
PANTIES FOUND
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