There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
