I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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