Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize