I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
