Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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