your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My hand turned me down
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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