Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
