I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Bring me that man meat
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
