farters have to be the big spoon...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
