I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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