He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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