So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
