No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
