dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
