my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
