Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
