Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
