i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
