You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
