I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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