I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize