yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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