If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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