I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
