i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
