The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
