on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
