I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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