Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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