At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
