one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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