Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
