ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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