FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
