Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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