Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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