didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
