I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
