Dignity is for republicans.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
