You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
