I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
