You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
