I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize