haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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