haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
