I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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