honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I wear drunk well.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
