My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
