That's when you crack a 10am beer
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
