my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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