check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
